A True Lesson

So seriously I have a problem…
I no longer control alcohol when I drink…
Seriously. After what I saw and became on friday I can say this. It wasn't long before I got here that I had this problem and really took till the other night for it truly to scare me finally. I not only did one of my typical black out ordeals were I dono what happened the biggest thing that finally scared me was the fact that I woke up in a Hospital with no recollection of anything that had happened to me or why I was there.
Not to mention that the next day I had to start facing the consequences of my actions. Turns out I disrespected a senior NCO and because of that they called security forces and I was arrested. For being drunk in public and not following a direct order.
Pretty scary to think that I wondered around for an hour on base with a beer in my hand not knowing anywhere that I went or were I was going. It truly goes to show that there is such a thing as the unconscious brain, because I made it back to the squadron somehow.
Pretty ashamed of my actions and have been staying in my room allot because of the way I feel that people look at me now.
I know that everyone fucks up someday or somehow, but I would rather have something on a smaller scale then this. Not something that is going to be put down on paper something that is going to follow me any were that I go as an Airman.
The worst now is now it's in the Commanders hands of what even happens to me and I'm supposed to carry on as if nothing is on my mind and holding me back..
$13 bottle really can turn into $2000 in fines and other junk.