American Me.

So finally after all these years I watched.
American Me.
My nickname threw high school, my name on the street. Finally understanding a reason for the name. Don’t get me wrong I knew that I was the one white guy in the sense of Hispanic culture. But after seeing J.D. and how he just fit in, how that color didn’t matter because he respected the street and respected and embraced the culture. To me and probably to J.D. it just feels right, like you belong your actually a part of the familia. No matter how long I’m gone for those street those people, those homies (Yayo, Compita, Uly, Goofy, so many more) always accept me with open arms. No other place I would rather be then in East Los.

Food For thought
It’s amazing how much you actually learn from a white wall. It’s like a blank canvas waiting to be painted on, a place were your mind could run wild. You can just look at it and create every thought that you fear, or want, dream, dare. But it’s amazing that sometimes when you stare at the blankness you can clear your thoughts since there is nothing to distract you from the rest of the world and then it just seems like answers to those questions your never really willing to spend time on finally jump out at you in full effect.

Quote of the Day.

Quote of the day..
Airman Hernandez
I hate movies like this (watching Notorious) it’s like Passion of the Christ you know how it’s going to end

F&F4

Good movie overall and Ofcorse being shot in LA made me think of home and the scene. Lets start off with that I think they did a very good job with story and points in LA that some people actually use this time. Like the golf course off the 101N and shit. One thing like they always get wrong is the glamorization of the scene. Women just throwing themselves at you for the how tight your car is.. BULLSHIT. Girls all mackin in the club and gettin down at the shows.. Sure I wish. Another thing is that NEON is out. Same with split hood crazy ass body kits. That was so F&F1. Common all they had to do was go to Eibach once and they would know what is like in the WEST.
But lets get to something that hit me when Mia was talking to Bryan about why he gave Dom the keys in the first one and asking about if he really is a good guy or if he really is a bad guy playing a a good guy. Made me really think about myself right now especially seeing how I'm part of a government agency a place that I never really saw myself. It also reminded me of how much fun my life was doing what I want and living the way I was sure I wasn't makin much but ti feel the enjoyment was so much more. But its early in this adventure and I have things to learn and places to go.
But my heart still lives and dies in LA.

Lastly the way they left the movie you know there is going to be a 5 I give it two years before they come up with something to go off. Hopefully by then she is ready for her appearance



I still havn't decided what side I'm on yet.

Thoughts...

I have to get into a better habbit with this..
AF update. Grad date should be set in stone now. May 26th. With that comes excitement about finally being able to go home for a little bit, even though it has really only been what 4 and 1/2 months, and a lot of worry about getting everything done to live in a whole different country. Another thing that bugs me out is change, I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons the other day, and I remember him talking about change, watching him change, and his surroundings changing.
Speaking of old people my grandfather is moving into an asisted living. Sadding to me clearly my favorite grandparent of them all. Greatfully he is the last living and I don't see him goin down any time soon. I see alot of myself in him and I see my life unfolding like his sometimes. It scares me but at the same time I look at all the things that he has done and I'm happy. I dono what to think about my mothers stance on the issue. She sent out an email about it and she really focused the email more about how she feels like she is putting him into a kindergarden facility how they display there paintings and people sit there and have to be told not to do that or not to touch, look here, don't, stop.
I would think more she is just fearing of the alsimers, which also fears me as well even at this young age. (I remember when I got the card in basic, just to see his handwriting brought a tear. I look at it every night) Another thing of sadness was listening to this comedians story upon drinking and his DUI's. Don't get me wrong there was comedy but you know when they do that serious part in the middle or near the end. Well it was about alcohol and it made me think. He had these four rules for you to think about if you had a problem or not
1. Drinking during the work week.
2. Saying you'll just have one and go home and it turning into an all night thing
3. Blacking Out
4. Setting periods of time off and just hitting it hard again. Making you think that your in control..
It's funny when he started saying those rules and I thought of myself I really fell into all of them because I have done all of those thing so many times. Thats when I knew it was actually good that I was in a alcohol program to address some issues so that I can get back in control of it. Do I think I'm there yet. NO. But at least I'm identifying problem
Lastly.

Weekly Shitzu

Another week down and soon to be out of this place...
Payday on Friday.. Thank god for that.. Even though I barely spend any money here.. But damn it feels good finally being able to save. Like actually putting money into a savings account regularly type shit..
Anyways.
Started the ADEPT program hopefully I can finish here and not have it drag with me to Japan or shit is gonna get complicated and shit with my personal life. Pretty dumb if you ask me the people there really don't take it serious I wouldn't either if I was there age. I mean shit it's takin me all the way to 24 to even think that I have a problem with drinking. But thats another rant probably for thursday after the second meeting and shit.
Vegas Invation for the Del Sol's is going on and I'm upset that I'm missing that I think the best thing that came of it so far is that I got Shanes number back thank you Alicia for that one and getting him to get in contact with me.. Everyone is just lucky I didn't get a chance to unleash the K yet.
Lastly I'm gonna end with an update on school.. I have never had a teacher tell me that we need to slow down the learning because we are ahead of schedule.. Which I don't mind watching movies and getting paid to do it. But you have to sides that I want to leave and get back home to Cali sooner then later but I want to take our time and finish on time so that I can see Steff's graduation and plan thing out to see other people and do other things..
P.S. No new pic's probably tomarrow morning sunrises..

3 weeks and finally back up to Phase 2 and shit and at least I know I'll make it threw this weekend without a problem of getting in trouble..
Been spending alot more time in my room if anything I have become a social quiet person because of the damn incedent..
Dono how it's blessing yet and I really dono all my punishment yet either..
One thing it has givin me some time to walk around at night and take pictures...
So if anything I finding another out lit for me to do instead of just always drinking. and for sure it's alot cheaper then drinking all the time.
Here are some of my pic's
No photo shopping done thats the next step I need to start learning.

A True Lesson

So seriously I have a problem…
I no longer control alcohol when I drink…
Seriously. After what I saw and became on friday I can say this. It wasn't long before I got here that I had this problem and really took till the other night for it truly to scare me finally. I not only did one of my typical black out ordeals were I dono what happened the biggest thing that finally scared me was the fact that I woke up in a Hospital with no recollection of anything that had happened to me or why I was there.
Not to mention that the next day I had to start facing the consequences of my actions. Turns out I disrespected a senior NCO and because of that they called security forces and I was arrested. For being drunk in public and not following a direct order.
Pretty scary to think that I wondered around for an hour on base with a beer in my hand not knowing anywhere that I went or were I was going. It truly goes to show that there is such a thing as the unconscious brain, because I made it back to the squadron somehow.
Pretty ashamed of my actions and have been staying in my room allot because of the way I feel that people look at me now.
I know that everyone fucks up someday or somehow, but I would rather have something on a smaller scale then this. Not something that is going to be put down on paper something that is going to follow me any were that I go as an Airman.
The worst now is now it's in the Commanders hands of what even happens to me and I'm supposed to carry on as if nothing is on my mind and holding me back..
$13 bottle really can turn into $2000 in fines and other junk.